Don't get me wrong here, I really don't mind being around other people that drink. I'm not making any sort of judgemental stand here. Even back when I did have a few drinks I kind of liked it. I understand the appeal.
Thing is though, the appeal just isn't enough anymore.
I don't like the bad things it does to one's body, I don't like the way it makes me feel or act. I don't like not being in control of my actions or what I say. I hate the feeling after when I look back on what I said or did and how "ugh" I feel about it. Ashamed, I guess.
The only thing I really liked about alcohol was the sort of inclusion it afforded me. I generally stick out like a sore thumb in social gatherings. Having a drink in my hand sort of blended me in. And it also had the effect of making me more verbal. (I usually don't talk at all in social things)
It's interesting, now that I don't drink, how uncomfortable it seems to make people when I don't imbibe. Here in the UK, pub culture is a huge deal. It's tied into pretty much every social aspect of British life. If we go out to watch a match, it's in a pub. If we're meeting people for dinner, it's in a pub or we go to a pub after. The way it works is people take turns buying rounds for the group, that's just considered polite. I like it that way, really. It's very inclusive and generous in feeling.
Someone stands up and says, "what's everyone want?" and everyone rattles off their answers. "lager, lager, lager, ale, guinness, and..." and here they stop and look at me and at my BF, who is also teetotal, and we awkwardly go, "oh, nothing, we're okay." There's a look of confusion and they try again, "No, really though, what do you want?" We sort of just look at each other and go, "Um. Just a coke for me." "Lemonade for me please." If they're not used to us and our non drinking they sorta just blink and wander off in a daze like we just asked for them to please pee in a glass, that would be lovely thanks.
By the way, if you ask for lemonade here, you're gonna get something akin to 7up. I once spat back into my glass cos I just wasn't expecting fizz. I explained to my BF that real lemonade is basically sweetened lemon juice and he replied with this look of abject horror as he sputtered out, "WHY!?".
It's going to be interesting going back to Canada for the summer, not being a drinker. Some people think I stopped because my BF doesn't drink but that's sorta condescending. I honestly just don't feel the need anymore. When I did drink I didn't like it. If I could get a virgin bellini or caesar, I'd be all over that. It's just that I don't want to willingly take in something that's bad for my body, mind and self esteem. But if you enjoy it, then enjoy it. To each their own, eh?
